Emotions: Tricky Things

Hello world! It’s me again!  All things new with me: Took a vacation to South Carolina/Georgia to visit a very good friend of my mine.  That was fun and definitely a way to begin the summer.  It was fun to catch up, as well as see some history and the ocean.  I went to a three day training.  That was intense, but it was worth it.  Now, my graduate school has started back up and I have full blown entered into another semester of school work.  Book project: It’s coming along far better than I could have ever imagined.  Let’s just say that there was a senate campaign, almost wedding, two weddings, one ruined wedding, honeymoons, fainting scene and now babies.  Of course, there is drama tied in here and there.  It’s coming along well!

Alright, let’s get down to talking emotions.  There are really two different kind of people: those who wear their emotions on their sleeves and those who paint on a happy face and push others away to deal with their emotions on their own.  I am one of the latter.  I tend to have a hard time discussing my emotions and turn to reading or running to help me out.  Today got sort of emotional for me.  This concept usually NEVER bothers me, but today it really got to me.  It’s that of being single.  I am nearing a milestone birthday in the 20 decade (I think I just gave away my age to you) and have never had a serious boyfriend.  Always single and working on getting ahead of the game.  Part of me wonders, do I slow down on this race to the top and find myself someone to settle down and raise a family with?  Or, do I keep on running to get to that office/research job I want?  I know..I know.  There is a right man out there for me and God will present him to me when the time is right.  Now is clearly not the time. So, this concept really usually never bothers me, but I have really been going through a stage where I long to have a family of my own.  Yes, I want babies.  And as I near this milestone birthday, I realize that time is ticking and worry that I may never have a family of my own.  Yes, I have quite awhile before I reach the age where I can’t have children anymore, but all of my friends having babies is not helping my cause.  It’s just a phase I have hit.  Will be back to the “not ready for kids” stage soon.  Anyways, there has been a lot going on in my life right now and today the single thing just got to me.  I found myself wanting someone to listen and talk me out of my emotional states.  Someone to genuinely know that something is wrong with me and insist on finding out what is wrong.  Someone who can see through the smile on my face and discover the girl breaking down inside and holding in tears.  Someone to help me not hold in these emotions.  Because let’s face it, those of us who are single and live on their own DO hold in their emotions.  They DO build up and lead to breakdowns.  Been there.  Done that.

I suppose part of my issue is also trying to be the strong, confident woman that society says women must be.  Women have really been dealing with that issue since the beginning of times.  We are seen as delicate and feminine, but nothing comes through with emotion.  An emotionally distraught women as usually seen as what? Insane? PMSing?  On their period?  Having mood swings?  We are pretty much taught to cry behind closed doors since childhood.  What about men and emotions?  Men who show their emotions are seen as what?  Strange?  Not manly?  So really, does anyone show their emotional sides?  I guess my main question here is: why are we all so afraid to show our emotions?  I suppose it shows weakness.  Humans have always been afraid of weakness.  So, this is food for thought for you.  Are we as humans scared of emotions, particularly that of sadness? Emotions are tricky things.  They can really make or break you.



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