Why so Lonely?


Lately I have been going through two grief stages (for those of you who are new to this blog, I lost my mother ten years ago and my father passed away three months ago): loneliness and depression.  Tears for no reason.  Wanting to stay in bed all day.  Eating either nothing at all for days on end or emotionally eating too much.  Yes, we are working on overcoming these stages of grief and I know that Scriptures remind me that “this too shall pass.”  And it will.  I have faith and knowledge that it will.  It’s just the part of getting there that stinks.  But, not all life can be happy go lucky.  There must be trials that test faith.

So topic of today’s blog: loneliness.  Yes, I know I have a few decent friends and family members that are there for me and trying to help me through this hard time.  But, my depression has put me in a place where I think that either I am exhausting them because I am not getting better yet, or that I think they really truly don’t love me and I am not worthy of their love because everyone I have ever truly loved has passed away.  So in the end, the loneliness factor creeps in and sweeps me off my feet.  Today I was doing my daily bible study and spiritual reading.  I am currently working through Jesus Calling by Sarah Young and Becoming Myself: Embracing God’s Dream of You by Stasi Eldredge.  As I was reading my chapter in the Becoming Myself book I realized how much this author understands what I have gone through.  She truly understands this loneliness thing.  Finally, someone understands this loneliness thing!  But, as I kept reading it popped out to me that I am not lonely.  I may feel lonely, but I am not.  Yes, I know…I know..and I have always known…God is with me always.  I have always known this fact.  But there is something else.  Knowing this fact isn’t preventing me from feeling lonely.  If I truly know this fact, which I do, why am I so lonely?  While I read and thought about this fact, it hit me.  I am so lonely because I am not asking God to open my eyes to my relationship with him and others.  I am not seeing through his eyes.  I am too caught up in myself, my grief, and this world.  I need to ask God to help me experience his love.  To strengthen not only my relationship with him, but my faith in him.  My faith that with him I will never truly be lonely.  That if I truly continue to walk with him, I will never be lonely.  If one talks to God about this and asks God to experience his love, great things will happen.  I have experienced it in my own life.  I have experienced his love during this truly painful period in my life.  What Scripture says is certainly true: “God is close to the broken hearted.”

So, if you are maybe going through a lonely period such as I am, talk to God about it.  Ask to experience his love and maybe even just tell him about your broken heart and how you feel.  Unlike people, God is ALWAYS THERE AND ALWAYS LISTENING!  He will NEVER turn away from you and ALWAYS has time for you.  Isn’t that wonderful?  We do have someone we can depend on and with him we will never be truly lonely.

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