The other day I was on a phone call with a friend. This friend and I have had many arguments since I have been in my deep grief. It has even gotten to the point of where I am sure we both had thoughts about if we still wanted to be friends. Grief changes people. And it changed me bad. My grief caused me so much pain that I not only got thrown into a depression, but became quite vicious with my closest friends and family during my anger stage of grief. Yes, my friends, the anger stage of grief is VERY real. There is nothing you can do to stop that anger and it is the worst possible anger you will ever experience in your life. No controlling it. Seriously, you will say anything and there is no stopping you. Anyways…..as I talked to this friend, I explained to her how my heart yearns for an unconditional and intimate love. How my parents loved me this way (we had a very loving, supportive, and caring relationship with each other) and how I wouldn’t have this sort of love in my life again until I got married. That marriage was the solution to experiencing that sort of love. Yes, my heart does yearn for that sort of love. I mean don’t we all yearn for an unconditional and intimate love? To have someone that knows every part of our being? To have someone who is always there for you?
After I hung up, I sat and thought about this concept for quite some time. Then I realized how stupid I was being. I was yearning for an EARTHLY love. It was almost a palm to forehead, should have had a V-8 moment for me. I could have even sworn to myself because the answer is so clear. DUH! I do have an unconditional and intimate love. This person has known and loved me in that manner since before I was even formed in my mother’s womb or even a thought in my parents’ head. I mean he even knows every single thought that runs through my head and is always there for me. My source of unconditional love: God.
Many times, especially in times of deep despair, we feel like God has abandoned us or that he does not love us. Truth is, he loves us far more than any human being can and he ALWAYS loves us. Even in our darkest moments. That right there is truly comforting to me. To know that I have a Father that loves every part of me even though I am in a depression to the point of where I hate every single part of me. He thinks I am perfect and beautiful when I certainly do not. We all have these moments. We don’t feel loved by anyone in this world or even by ourselves, but we certainly are loved. We always have an unconditional love no matter were we are in our lives. This is something that is hard to remember at times, but we must remember it. Yes, we are loved, even in our darkest moments. We are loved unconditionally. We will ALWAYS be loved unconditionally. And that love will ALWAYS be given to us by God.