Hello all! I have finally gotten the chance to sit down and write a blog entry. Lately, the Lord has presented me with many blessings. These blessings have given me the opportunity to stay busy enough that I do not have time to focus on my grief and the situations that drag me deeper into depression. I feel truly blessed for this and have thanked the Lord for these opportunities every day. These opportunities are that of getting back to teaching (as the school year has started again) and being recruited to assistant coach 7/8th grade girl’s volleyball. This schedule, along with writing my thesis, keeps me constantly going. Sure, I may get exhausted and not have some down time, but I think that right now that is good for me. I don’t have the time to focus on my frequent nightmares or the fact that my family and some relationships are gone and have crumbled away to nothing. So, as I said before, the Lord has blessed me with this busy schedule and these opportunities to feel needed and loved again as my students, and now volleyball players, approach me in the hall everyday with smiles and bright conversations.
I have also been blessed with a special relationship during this school year. The speech pathologist that works with me was in the same place as I was at the end of the last school year (as her father passed away only two weeks before mine did). We have had many heart to hearts since school started and have made a goal with each other. Our goal this year is to maintain positive in our attitude, mind, body, and soul. We are going to keep each other positive and work on kicking all negative attitudes and people out of our lives as they only drag us down to the depression we were in. Each day, we keep the other accountable for doing their devotions, eating right, and exercising. Our goal is to keep each other out of the depression phases we were in. We exchange positive messages with each other every day and give the other the affirmation they need to get through the day. For example, since my father died, I don’t hear the words “I love you” enough. I hear it from a friend every now and then and my sister, but no one else. People don’t get that those few words mean quite a bit to a person. That a person needs to hear that. Yes, I am still in the stages were I do feel unloved by the world and people. The phrases “I love you” and “I appreciate you” mean a lot to me right now. They fill my bucket with the affirmation I need to get through the day. This speech pathologist reminds me every day that she appreciates having me as her accountability partner and co-worker. Those few words that she says to me fill my bucket enough to keep me working through the day. With that being said, I think it is crucial that as we experience depression, we have to find ways to fill our buckets. If we have nothing in our bucket, we get deeper and deeper in our grief and depression. So, during depression, let’s take any positive phrase someone says to us to heart. Let’s take time to do something we love. Let’s remember and embrace the love God has for us. Let’s kick out all negativity from our lives. Let’s fill our buckets with positivity to get through the day and make it through the battle we are fighting with depression. Remember that someone out there loves you. And above all, God loves you.