This song is the anthem of my life right now. I have officially hit rock bottom in my personal relationships. With both parents being gone, my siblings not getting along with me, and now losing close personal friends, I have literally no one but God, my sister, and my brother in law to turn to right now. Yup, that’s it. Three people.
This weekend I probably said goodbye to a close friend of mine. And I said goodbye to another close friend of mine this summer. This seems to be the trend in my life since my father passed away this spring. I don’t know if I am too draining or if I am just expecting too much from people. But, I am sure losing a lot of people this year. I don’t know who to turn to anymore. I don’t know who’s shoulder to cry on and who to go to when I need advice. Lately, I have just been going straight to God. God does provide a lot of comfort and love for me, but sometimes it would be nice to have an actual human to talk to. Sure, I have my students, but I can’t talk life with them. I can’t talk about what really matters and how I am feeling. I just don’t know what I am doing wrong. I honestly don’t. I feel left alone in this world and uncared for. Sort of pushed aside and like my grieving and healing doesn’t matter to anyone. Yes, that does hurt. A lot actually. I wish I had my parents to talk to right now about this, but I don’t. So, I am putting it out here in cyberspace for everyone to read (dumb idea…I know). As this songs says, I wish someone could look me in the eyes and see my pain. I wish they could tell me what I need to hear and remind me that I am not forgotten. I wish they could say something that would save my life. God has reminded me that I am his beautiful daughter and meant for great things. That someday I might be married and finally have a family and love of my own. I just have to wait. And just to make it clear, no, I am not thinking about ending my life. I am far past that stage in my healing. I just need a human to come along and remind me what this is all about. Remind me of who I am, what I mean to the world, and that they love me. Who knows, maybe a stranger just might come and say something that is just what I need to hear.