I Watched You Walk Away

During my extreme pain, I watched you walk away.  I tearfully said goodbye and took one last tear filled glimpse of you.  I walked away as my heart hurt and I thought in my mind this isn’t real.  I wish you would come and hug me.  I wish this would all end and you would just take me back into your life.  I wish you would apologize and listen to the pain that is going on in my life.  I wish you would love me.  I wish you would understand.  These are the words I so badly want to say or scream before you leave, but my mind won’t make me.  My mind tells me to keep quiet and let you go.  My heart says that it will hurt, but it might be what I need to heal from my grief.

I walked away with the thoughts of I am not worth it in my head.  I walked away thinking it was all my fault and my father’s too for passing away.  I hate to place blame on my father as he could not chose to pass away and I loved him so.  So, I place all blame on me.  I tell myself that I am unloved and worthless.  That I am not worthy of anyone’s love.

You walked away and left my life.  I don’t quite understand why.  All I know is that my grief has changed me in such a way that I don’t know who I am anymore.  I am not the same person that you knew.  I am grieving.  But, you still walked away.  I ask God why, but I must remember that he let you walk away for a reason.  I will get through this with his strength as I try to close the chapter on who we were.


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