Dear Ungrieving Self,
You don’t know what is coming and you are not going to be prepared for it. Nothing will prepare you for that phone call. You are going to be in shock. You are going to sob so hard you can’t breathe. Your heart and body is going to physically ache and hurt for quite some time. You will have nightmares that are so vivid you are afraid to sleep for weeks. You will question your life and why you continue to keep living it. You will be put on medications and through endless hours of “grief counseling.” People will hurt you and leave you to fight this battle on your own. There will be days where you just lay in bed all day and stare. There will be nights where you just toss and turn. There will be flashbacks that come at any moment in time. There will be lost focus, the inability to make decisions, confusion, anger, guilt, blame, extreme anger that you have never experienced in your life, and feelings on being unloved, alone, and worthless.
These symptoms of grief will continue to come and go for months and maybe even years. This is normal. It is what happens when you lose a loved one. Though these may be hard and difficult to overcome, you must know that you do get through it. You are strong enough to continue on with your life. This does make you stronger. There is no timeline for grief, so don’t rush yourself. Take your time. Grieving is normal and don’t let people tell you that it has been long enough and you should be over it. You never truly get over it and things will not be “okay.” You just learn to cope with it. Don’t listen to those people. They have obviously never lost someone they truly love. You hurt because a piece of your heart is gone. Your heart has been broken. It will heal again, but it will take time. Just remember to push through the hard days no matter how much you want to give up. God loves you and has your back. You are his daughter and sure, you may be an orphan at your young age, but God will provide for you during this time of need. The coming time will be trying and test you. It will be among some of your darkest hours. During these times remember to turn to God. He will guide you through and heal your pain. When all people seem to be unloving towards you, remember that God loves you and you are in the palm of his hand as he carries you through this. You will get through this storm and you will continue to be a strong and brave woman.
Your Grieving Self