Depression….It is a word that has much stigma around it. People who are diagnosed with depression don’t like to admit it for fear of being seen as “insane” or “mentally unstable.”
I was diagnosed with depression three months ago. It was triggered by my grief from my father’s death, as well as other personal issues. My therapist and doctor diagnosed me with it after I admitted to them that I spent three straight days laying in bed sleeping or staring at the ceiling. I also admitted to them that I had suicidal thoughts and a plan for how I would do it, even though I wouldn’t really be able to do it. I was quickly put on depression medication and put back in weekly therapy sessions when I had previously graduated to monthly therapy sessions for grief therapy.
Lately, I have caught myself getting back into that depression state. Yes, I have depression and some days are better than others and my medication and therapy does help me. But, I have gotten back to the state where I want to sleep all the time. It takes everything in me to crawl out of bed and face the day/world. Then when I get home from work I am wanting to take my sleeping pill and going straight to bed to sleep for hours on end. This doesn’t happen, but I do head to bed at about 8:30 every night now. That isn’t normal for me. This is usually when I know something is bothering me and I am about to get worse. The exhaustion is the sign for me.
I was driving on my way home from work one day when the song Just Be Held by Casting Crowns came on. I listened to the lyrics and it hit me. During my depression, I am fighting too much. I am not letting God take control. I am fighting for control as I swerve all over my life road. I am tired of fighting. I need to just lay it down and let God take me through. I need to let God hold me and carry me through. His plan for me will not lead to demise. It leads to an endless happiness filled with love.
With all of this being said, when we are going through our depressive states, let’s work on letting go and letting God grab the steering wheel as he holds us and carries us through. Let’s give him our issues and let him take control. Let’s just be held.