Nearly everyone has heard about the stages of grief. And everyone who has gone through grief knows that those stages do not go in order. You progress in them, then go back a few. It’s a constant rollercoaster. I saw this picture today and it pretty much sums up my progress through the stages of grief:
Today, I am going to focus on my progress through the anger stage of grief. Let me tell you, this stage is VERY real. Ever thought you could be angry with God? Well, you can be. I remember admitting to my family, as we planned my father’s funeral, that I was VERY angry with God. I was angry with him because he took away, not just my father, but both my parents. I was angry that he left me as a 25-year-old orphan and with nobody on this earth that cares about me. I was angry that he knows about my loneliness, yet he still took my father from me. After a few days of healing and feeling God’s comfort, I got over being angry with him. I then became VERY angry with my friends and the world around me. I was bitter with everything. I fought with everyone because they “just didn’t understand what it was like to lose a parent. To lose someone you love so much.” Or I fought with them because they said, “It will be okay.” When I know for a fact that it WILL NOT be okay. I lost my father. Not a dog. He was MY FATHER. The man that made me. The man that raised me. The man that loved me and called me his “little girl/little darling.” The man who referred to himself as the “papa” to me. They don’t get how I missed his weekly phone calls. How I missed how he cheered me up. How I missed our conversations. I was angry. VERY angry. This anger prompted my doctor and therapist to medicate my grief. To put me on depression medicine. They were afraid of what I would do to myself in my anger. Afraid that I would actually take that knife to my wrist as I wanted to. Afraid that I would “do something dumb in my anger” when I have so much to live for. When I have apparently accomplished so much. Yet, was so alone. They had good reason to medicate me because I probably would have used that knife. I would have to say that the anger stage is the worst stage of grief. It affects your relationships. It ruined A LOT of mine. Those people didn’t get that my anger was coming from my grief. From the war in my head and heart. They took it personally when they shouldn’t have. When they should have understood.
If you are experiencing grief, know that no one progresses through the “stages of grief” in order, or in the same way. It also takes a LONG time to get through all the stages. Heck, I am still going through them. The stages are normal. It’s normal. The anger stage is normal. It’s okay to be angry with God when you are grieving. Everyone does it. Just come back to his presence after the anger because he will provide you with the comfort and love you need and desire.