I recently heard a quote from Grey’s Anatomy that ties in with grief. If you watch this show, you may be familiar with this scene. Here are the lines:
Cristina: “There’s a club. The Dead Dads Club. And you can’t be in it until you’re in it. You can try to understand, you can sympathize. But until you feel that loss… My dad died when I was nine.
There is so much truth to these statements that I don’t even know where to start. First, let’s talk about people who have never lost a loved one. Like Cristina says, they can try to sympathize and understand, but until they lose a loved one themselves they will never truly understand the pain and healing process. They will never really know what it is that they need to say or do. Second, life without your loved ones. Like Christina says, you never really know how to exist in a world where the loved one doesn’t. Every day is close to a walking nightmare. We can get used to living without them, but it is painful. It’s hard to exist without them. There are somethings we just cannot do because that was how we existed with these loved ones. For example, I still have my father’s number under the first spot on my favorites contact list. I will never delete it. I can’t bring myself to delete it. The number no longer exists, but I can’t do it. I also can’t look at the favorites list for fear of seeing his contact information there. I know another person that lost her husband. She was so used to sleeping with him, that she had to arrange pillows all over on his side because she would wake up in the middle of the night and feel for him only to come to the realization that he wasn’t there. The pillows tricked her brain and helped her sleep through the night because there was something on the other side of the bed.
In the end, unless you have lost a loved one yourself, you never really understand grief. You never really know. We feel bad for you once you join the Dead Dad’s/Mom’s Club and you won’t want to be a member of it, but until you join it you will never really understand.