Love Me Not


Prior to my father’s death, I was a happy woman.  I felt loved.  I had friends that loved me.  I loved who I was.  I had a sort of family.  I had unconditional love given to me by people and God.  Then, my world shattered.  My father died.  My source of unconditional love was taken away.  Friends started walking away from me and leaving me.  Now I look around and what is left to love?  Nothing but God, myself, and my sister.

I look at myself now and what do I see?  Well, I see a very sad woman.  I see a struggling woman.  I see a woman begging to be loved.  Begging to feel love.  I see a deserted person with no way out.  I see a depressed person with no hope.  I see no future.  I see worthlessness.

It you compare the “old” me with the “new” me, you see quite a difference.  It’s like night and day.  I went from self-confidence to feeling like the scum of the earth.  Feeling lonely and ready to bid it goodbye.  Feeling like I don’t even know who I am.  How did this happen?  Well, the quote above says it all.  I have no source of unconditional love as everyone left me (besides my sister, who is also going through depression right now).  The result of me not feeling loved or appreciated, or hearing from people that I am, is this person I am now.  This scum.  This nobody.  This being that takes up space.


3 thoughts on “Love Me Not

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  1. Aww you touched my very soul with this. I totally understand and can relate to your feelings. But please take heart, losing your father is quite detrimental, but you need to understand something. Your father loved you and still does, he wants you to be the person you were when he was here. He doesn’t want you feeling unloved because you are loved. Everything happens for a reason, those friends and people were never loving you unconditionally…so they are not even worth a ponder. What matters now is YOU! you need to stand strong, find you, really love who you are because you are somebody. Don’t let the devil win this one, Gods love is greater and he will never forsake you. You are allowed to feel this way, but you are not allowed to let it destroy your happiness…because your daddy would be so proud to see you pushing through. I know we only met here, but I feel so drawn to you. Please take heart and I am here for you. I love you. You are truly blessed. Stay strong

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