Prior to my father’s death, I was a happy woman. I felt loved. I had friends that loved me. I loved who I was. I had a sort of family. I had unconditional love given to me by people and God. Then, my world shattered. My father died. My source of unconditional love was taken away. Friends started walking away from me and leaving me. Now I look around and what is left to love? Nothing but God, myself, and my sister.
I look at myself now and what do I see? Well, I see a very sad woman. I see a struggling woman. I see a woman begging to be loved. Begging to feel love. I see a deserted person with no way out. I see a depressed person with no hope. I see no future. I see worthlessness.
It you compare the “old” me with the “new” me, you see quite a difference. It’s like night and day. I went from self-confidence to feeling like the scum of the earth. Feeling lonely and ready to bid it goodbye. Feeling like I don’t even know who I am. How did this happen? Well, the quote above says it all. I have no source of unconditional love as everyone left me (besides my sister, who is also going through depression right now). The result of me not feeling loved or appreciated, or hearing from people that I am, is this person I am now. This scum. This nobody. This being that takes up space.