I can say that the nightmares are back. After my father died, I had horrible night mares. Ones reliving the funeral, reliving both my parents’ funerals, trying to catch my parents in chases, crying for them, etc. They made me afraid of sleeping. Then, I got medicated. Things got better. Then, they got worse. The nightmares came back. Then, my therapist tried a different technique with me. It worked, but now the nightmares are back. I had one last night.
In this particular nightmare, I was at the cemetery my parents are buried at. It is really a rather beautiful and peaceful cemetery out in the middle of nowhere. The only problem in this nightmare is that I couldn’t get to their headstone. I couldn’t get to them. I was running and screaming for them, but something was always in the way. I couldn’t ever reach that grave. I knew it was their grave because I have seen it so many times, but I couldn’t reach it. I wasn’t able to. I woke up when I got in a car and was driving away from the cemetery.
I can’t quite grasp the message of this nightmare, but like every other nightmare in which my parents are in, I can’t get to them. It is like my perception of how heaven is far away. Of how I can’t reach them or contact them now. I am always screaming for them and pleading for them to come to me, but I never reach them. Maybe, the day that I do reach them is the day that I wake up in heaven.