Dear Future Husband,
Greetings! I have yet to know who you are. Before you think about loving me and spending the rest of your life with me, there are some things you need to know. I come with baggage. A lot of emotional baggage. My life has been difficult and filled with pain and grief, but I have been strong enough to carry on. Some grief has been suppressed and some surfaces in the middle of the night during nightmares. Some also surfaces through fear in the middle of the day. My greatest fear is losing those I love. This comes from actually losing those I love because the people I have loved the most have either passed away or left me. Therefore, I will be extremely protective of you.
I also dread some milestones we will have during our life together. One milestone is that of our wedding. It is not because I don’t want to marry you (believe me….if I said yes, I want to marry you). It is because my parents are not there to watch us get married and see our love. I have no father to walk me down the aisle and give me away. I have no mother to help me find my wedding dress. Both of these thoughts are extremely painful for me, so if I brought up a small ceremony, or eloping, please take to heart my pain and consider those options. I also dread the day I give birth to any of our children. I want children with you so badly and we will have children. I just get sad at the thought that my children will not know my parents. The thought that my mother and father will never be able to hold, love, and gush over our children saddens me.
In the end, I have known much pain in my life and much about our future scares me. But, I love you and will give you my whole heart. I am extremely loving and know that our love will carry me through those moments of sadness. I know that your intimate love with me will fill the void in my heart and you will be able to help me through my emotional baggage. Just remember that some days I will need you to hold me tight and whisper into my ear, “I love you more than you ever know.” The days I may seem like I am unlovable are the days I need to hear that the most.