As I have stated in several posts before, all of my close personal friends have left me while I was/am grieving the loss of my father/parents. Many of them did not understand what I was feeling or going through. Many of them just didn’t know what to do. So, in the end, I lost all of my best friends and the only friend I have in my life right now is that of my sister.
When each of these “friends” left me, they took a part of me with them. My father and mother also took a part of me with them when they passed. There are moments when I just feel so empty….so unlovable.
There are friends that I just can’t stop thinking about. Friends that I think, “Well, maybe I could go back to them. Maybe things could be different.” But, I know that can’t happen. I try to get these thoughts that tend to plague my mind away. I decided that I want to say goodbye to the thoughts of the pain and loneliness these people caused me once and for all. This was going to be a talk with my therapist this next week. And, it probably still will be.
My question is: How do you get over the thoughts of the people who hurt you and left you? How do I stop thinking about them and then thinking about the pain they caused me when they left me? I have thought about typing up “fake emails” in which I express my feelings and what I want to say goodbye to. Then, just deleting it instead of sending it. I don’t want to cause anyone harm. I just want to work on this healing so that I can get back to trying to cope with the loss of my parents.