This Isn’t the End


Lately, I have been addicted to Owl City’s new album.  Mainly due to the fact that the singer is branching out and including Christian songs on it.  Kudos to him for having the courage to do this, as many mainstream pop stars do not have this courage.  The public bashing that he may endure for doing this will be daunting for him, so this takes great bravery on his part.  Anyways, onto the reason I chose to talk about Owl City in this blog post.  His new song entitled, This Isn’t the End.  I heard it this morning as I was doing my makeup and stopped in my tracks.  It’s about grief, depression, abandonment, and anxiety.  It tells a story that I can personally relate to (minus the dad committing suicide part), as can many of you readers and fellow bloggers.

Many of the words and phrases in the lyrics really spoke to me.  The first were that of this:

She tried to look happy in front of her friends
But knew that she’d never feel normal again
She fought back the tears as they filled her eyes
And wanted him back just to tell him goodbye

Can I just say that this is exactly how I am feeling right now.  I know that without my parents, I will never be the same.  I am changed forever.  I fight back tears every night and only wish I could have them back for a chance to say goodbye.  Both of my parents passed so unexpectedly (no health issues…just died in their sleep one night), that I never got the chance to really say goodbye.  I never knew it would be my last day with them.  I would do things all over if I did.

The next lyrics that spoke to me were that of this:

How close is the ending, well, nobody knows
The future’s a mystery and anything goes
Love is confusing and life is hard
You fight to survive ’cause you made it this far

It’s all too astounding to comprehend
It’s just the beginning this isn’t the end

The line, “You fight to survive ’cause you made it this far.”  Hello…….who in grief is that right now?  I bet that is a lot of us.  I know that it is me right now.  In the past 6 months, I have felt so much heartbreak that I really wanted to end my own life.  I thought about it A LOT and was so close to using that knife to cut.  Thankfully, my therapist and doctor took me quite seriously when I got the courage to tell them my “plan of action” because I “wanted to be with them again and no longer wanted to be on this horrible earth.”  I will never know why my parents were taken away from me while I was at such a young age and why I was left to figure out this life thing all on my own.  But, as the song says, I have to keep living because I have already fought so hard to survive these past 6 months.

With all of this being said, this song reminded me that although I live in grief and depression, it isn’t the end.  Some day, I will enjoy the presence of my loving parents again.  But, until then, I have to keep on fighting to survive and figure out this life thing because “this isn’t the end.”  And it will not be the end for me until the Lord decides it is my time to come home to a family that will forever love me.

Here are the lyrics to the song This Isn’t the End for anyone interested:

An eight year old girl had a panic attack
‘Cause the father she loved left and never looked back
No longer the hero she counted on
He told her he loved her and then he was gone

She tried to look happy in front of her friends
But knew that she’d never feel normal again
She fought back the tears as they filled her eyes
And wanted him back just to tell him goodbye

When the rain falls down
When it all turns around
When the light goes out
This isn’t the end

Her dad was a good guy that everyone liked
But nobody knew he was dying inside
He promised his family he’d be alright
And then with a gunshot he left them behind

When the rain falls down
When it all turns around
When the light goes out
This isn’t the end

When the rain falls down
When it all turns around
When the light goes out
This isn’t the end, no.

The role of a father he never deserved
He abandoned his daughter and never returned
And over the years though the pain was real
She finally forgave him and started to heal

How close is the ending, well, nobody knows
The future’s a mystery and anything goes
Love is confusing and life is hard
You fight to survive ’cause you made it this far

It’s all too astounding to comprehend
It’s just the beginning this isn’t the end
It’s just the beginning this isn’t the end

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