Losing those you love is a difficult thing. We can lose those we love by them passing away or someone in the relationship deciding that it is just not worth it anymore. The decision that maybe you are not worth it anymore. That after years put into the relationship, you are not worth it. Let me just say that there is nothing worse than a close friend deciding to end it with you while you are going through the worst possible moments in your life. Just not good.
As you may have figured out already from this blog, I have lost both of my parents. I have no grandparents. My aunts and uncles don’t talk to me and I hardly know them. My siblings don’t talk to me (besides one sister). And now my closest friends don’t talk to me. I am literally left with no friends and no family. Honestly, I only have two people in my life right now that I call close. I suppose that is better than nothing, but those people are my sister and her husband. Sometimes, it would be nice to just have a friend that is not family.
These past experiences have generated a great fear in me. This fear is that of getting close to people. I no longer want to get close to people because I am afraid that they will either pass away or choose to leave me. I fear that I will lose them. This greatly impacts my ability to love and to find a significant other.
The fear of losing those you love is a real fear. My therapist and I have discussed this fear. The fear comes from being hurt by others in relationships, or having those you love pass away. This fear is a hard thing to conquer and I have come to realize that it only places me deeper into depression when I think about it.
Many of us who experience grief, depression, and anxiety may have this fear. The problem is overcoming this fear. I suppose if we met someone we really connect with, the fear would be distant. I am not quite sure as I haven’t met that someone yet.