What is a Friend?


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If you have been following my blog for some time, you will know that I had a MAJOR breakdown last week.  This all led me to be put back into weekly or bi-weekly therapy sessions (as some suicidal thoughts are back).  Only one of the triggers to this episode is that I am so freaking lonely and don’t have any real friends, as they have all left me in my grief and depression.  Sometimes, I just need to talk to someone.  Thank you to all the bloggers out there who have personally been emailing and talking to me.  Thank you for helping me see that I do matter to this world.

Among all of this, I have been thinking about what a friend would be.  I have been taking the blame for all of these failed relationships and thinking, “If I just didn’t grieve this long and manage to go into depression, they would still love me.  It’s all my fault they left me.”  I sobbed on my sister’s couch as I talked to my brother-in-law about this blame taking.  He put it into a good perspective for me.  He asked me who I was taking the blame against.  I told him the two people in my life that were my best friends.  He then asked me why I thought they left.  I answered that question.  He asked the opposite.  He asked what I wanted after my father died.  My response: Love and comfort from others.  He asked who had been able to provide that for me after my father died.  I quickly answered him and my sister.  He asked if they have ever, ever treated me like the two people I was questioning.  I quickly knew that answer…no.  No, they haven’t.  They understood my story and background and held me when I needed to be held while I sobbed.  He then stated that I needed to cut all people out of my life that aren’t like the people who were truly there for me during the worst moments in my life.

After this conversation, I knew what a true friend was.  It is someone who, despite not understanding your situation, can go beyond their own emotions to be there for you when you are truly hurting.  They don’t abandon you amidst the worst pain you have ever experienced in your life.  They just don’t walk away.  Plain and simple, isn’t it?  A friend does not walk away when the other is having the most difficult time in their life.  They don’t abandon.

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6 thoughts on “What is a Friend?

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  1. I completely understand what you mean. I recently had surgery and haven’t been in the best place. A “friend” told me I was annoying her by asking her to visit. I apologized and said I wasn’t trying to be annoying, I was just reaching out trying to stay in contact and sometimes don’t know what to say. She hasn’t talked to me since. I even reached out weeks later and just asked her how she is. No response.
    I have very few friends, but the two I do are true friends. Unfortunately they’re very busy with kids and family so we don’t talk as much as I’d like.
    People who make you feel like an afterthought or annoyance aren’t your friends.

  2. This whole post reminded me of something that my best friend told me a few years ago, when things were the worst for me. I was in a really horrible place, and I couldn’t believe that he was still my friend, and I flat out asked him why he hadn’t abandoned me like everyone else had, and he said “A real friend is the one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” It let me know that even as everyone was leaving me behind, and I felt like I was to blame for it all, he wasn’t going to do that. He was even more determined to make sure that I was okay. I have no way of repaying him for that.
    Anyway, I think you are spot on with this post, and about what a true friend does and does not do. I am very lucky in that I have one true friend in my best friend, and I truly hope that you are able to find that one person, or even more, who can be there to support you and be that true friend that you deserve. And those other people who have been talking with you and letting you see that you matter in this world, well, they are completely right. Because you do matter, and writing posts like this is a large part of that, because maybe it makes it so that even one person is a better friend to someone else.

      1. Well, I know being a better friend is something that I have thought about since I read it, so you’ve helped me for sure! So thank you for that. And I know it will make you a great friend to whomever needs one, because you clearly understand what that entails. Take care!

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