I am fat.  Nobody loves me.  Nobody will ever love me.  I am not good enough.  Everyone hates me.  I am worthless.  I am unworthy of love.  I don’t deserve to have friends.  I don’t deserve to live.  I hate myself.

Welcome to the thoughts of depression.  These are the exact thoughts that rampage through my head as I endure depression and grief.  The worst part of this is:  I began to believe these thoughts.  I still believe some of them.  My therapist and I have been working on this little by little.

These thoughts have really sparked self-hatred in myself.  It wasn’t until a wonderful and beautiful blogger read a blog I wrote one day and asked if I would say these things to someone else.  And if I wouldn’t, why would I say them to myself?  That really, I am abusing myself.  This comment was an eye opener to me.  This is exactly what I have been doing.  I have been almost verbally abusing myself in my thoughts.  And you know what?  I don’t deserve this abuse anymore.  I need to stop this self-abuse.


2 thoughts on “Self-Abuse

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  1. Al of those thought are your fears, which depression accentuates. Turn them, instead, to gratitude. “I am loved…if only by me, this is grace.” “I have a round body, but I am alive and safe.” Meditation really, truly helps.

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