As I sit here sipping on my “after church” cup of coffee (yes, I did have a “before church” cup), I am thinking about how much my life has changed this year. When my father passed away this spring, it was like someone put me in a box and shook it as hard as they could. Changing everything from daily routines, to emotions, to relationships.
This year, I lost my best friends. Something in my grief and depression caused them to leave me. I may never understand why and must come to the conclusion that God destroyed those relationships for a reason.
I am also seeing myself grow in maturity. I am no longer the “old” person I was. I feel like a true adult. Taking on tasks people my age know nothing about. But, I suppose this comes with having to take care of myself, by myself.
I sat in church thinking about how God has chosen this year to change me. I thought about my failed relationships and why He decided those people no longer need to be in my life. I thought about how mature I have become. How I can now talk about my emotions and problems openly with people. God has shown me through this year what true love is, who is truly there for me, and how to truly love those who truly love me.
I now see an answer as to why relationships were taken from me. They would hinder me from moving to pursue what God has planned from me. God is silently whispering to me, “My daughter, these people have fulfilled their role in your life. It is time for you to move on, for I have far greater plans for you.” I am striving to let them go and to grow in faith so that I can fulfill God’s plan for me. I must set all burdens, heartache, negative thoughts, and trials in His hands. The suffering I have endured this year is part of the cross I must bear to fulfill God’s plan for me. I will carry this cross and amid my stumbling, must remember that someday that cross will be turned in for eternal happiness and love. I know that God has greater plans for me and I must devote myself to Him and His bigger plan. I pray every day that through trials and loneliness, God will use me as He wants.