Now that things have slowed down a little in my personal and work life, I have noticed that when I am placed under normal situations I lack emotions. I only get emotions when things really build up. For instance, two of the students on my caseload are moving unexpectedly on Wednesday. These two were my favorite and they have made such great gains. Also, where they are going may not be the best for them. Under normal situations, I would be crying myself to sleep about this. Second, my sister has been having health issues for some time. I just got a call from her saying that she may, or may not, be pregnant. There could be a slight chance that she is. And there could be a huge chance that she isn’t. Under normal situations, I would be ecstatic about this and jumping up and down because I will finally be an auntie and will love the kiddo so freaking much. But….I’m not.
You might be asking why I am having the lack of emotions. Answer: my depression and anxiety medication. I feel as if I have a barrier now and that barrier is only let down when things get WAY too over the top and overwhelming. I feel like I am a zombie and wish I could have the “old” me back so that I could experience joy about the sister news and sadness over my students leaving. But, I still have to take the depression medicine. So, I guess I will have to be this emotionless zombie for some time.