Ugh, the Holidays are Here


Well, the holiday season is now here….sigh……It’s already been a rough one for me.  I cried on my way to my sister’s house last night.  During the drive there, I listened to the soundtrack to The Jersey Boys on full blast volume as it was all I could think of that had a nice beat.  The song, Fallen Angel, is probably what started the crying bout because it speaks about coming home.  I just really long for a “home” right now.  I suppose that some day I will have one.

The night concluded with me over stuffing (yes, I was a victim of emotional eating last night) myself with pizza.  Right now, I am really kicking myself and wishing that gyms would be open during Thanksgiving so I can get my butt on a treadmill and sweat out all the grease from that pizza.  But, alas, they are not.  It also doesn’t help that I just reached the point of my “cycle” where I am on the down sweep before the lovely time comes.  Therefore, my hormones are at an all time high.  I am not only craving affection, but tears will be flowing much more freely.  Don’t we all love being a woman?  But, I am actually sort of excited to get my next monthly.  I got this new product called the “Thinx underwear.”  I am excited to try them out.  So long feminine products…hello comfort.  Okay, male readers, I will quit with this topic.  Onto the rest of my “beginning holiday” emotions.

I went to bed at 8:00 last night “exhausted” from my emotions and depression bout.  It was at that point that I started swearing to myself because I forgot my sleeping pills at my apartment.  Of course, I would forget them on the days I most need them.  I fell asleep without them, but suffered from three really bad nightmares, all of which included both of my parents.  I woke up in panics from all of them, only to realize how much those sleeping pills really help me and just how much I depend on them.  I won’t go into details about the nightmares because I don’t remember all the details about them any more.

I am trying to continue to distract myself and stay off Facebook today as people share their wishes for a happy Thanksgiving and memories they are making with their family.  My nose has been behind books so far.  I finished The Cellar.  LOVED IT!  So, so, so good.  Have you all heard about Wattpad?  A website where you can write your stories for all to read?  Well, this author writes on there and I found the sequel to The Cellar on it.  So, when I woke up at 6:30 this morning, I read the entire thing on my phone.  I needed to find out what happened to the girls and the psycho killer dude.  It was good.  Today, I plan on finishing Before I Go to Sleep by S.J. Watson and begin Intensity by Dean Kootz, which the LOVELY and AMAZING blogger, An Anonymous Outsider, and I discussed in an email.  So, I will be spending all day behind books and trying to avoid the fact that today is the beginning of the dreaded holiday season.

In other news, I may humor my brother-in-law today and go see the last Hunger Games with him.  The Hunger Games series is among my favorite book series, but something about watching the movie and seeing all of Katness’s loved ones die is too close to home for me.  I can relate to losing all your loved ones and don’t think seeing that today would be the best for me.

To all of you who are celebrating with loved ones and family today, I am happy for you and wish you all the best.  To all of you who are in the same boat as me today and spending the holiday alone, sad, and depressed, I wish you all the best as well.  We can get through this….I think….

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