Explaining My Grief: Letter to Those Who Don’t Understand


Dear Those Who Don’t Understand Grief,

I stand in a darkness.  Loneliness has become my best friend. Crying has become normal.  Nightmares have become accepted.  Laughter is odd.

From the moment I find out about the death of my father, I was frozen, numb, and shattered.  I walked around staring at nothing and thinking nothing.  My mind was blank and trying to make sense of this “new world/life.”  Ever think your body can hurt from emotional pain?  Well, it can.  I felt like a ran a thousand marathons and walked around with every bone in my body hurting.  My life was taken from me as I existed and survived.  A part of me went with my father.  That part was my stability, happiness, and very identity.

I stand on the rocky path of grief.  One covered with treacherous and ragged mountains, where at any moment I can drop off an unknown cliff and go crashing down into the deep chasm of depression.  I see only black skies.  The sun does not shine.  The stars and moon are not visible.

It has been 8 months since I last spoke to my father and seen him on this earth.  It has also been 10 years since I have last seen my mother on this earth.  You all expect me to be over this by now.  Truth: I am not and I cannot be.  You see, I loved my parents with all my heart.  Those chunks of my heart are missing.  Those parts of my life are missing.  I will never “get over” the deaths of my parents.  I will always miss them.  You cry for days over losing your pet.  Imagine losing a human that you loved.

Those of us who are in grief need compassion from you.  We need you to read between the lines because when we say we are “okay,” we are not.  Don’t buy into that.  It is those moments where we need a hug, or even a fresh meal made for us because we are not capable of cooking yet.  We need your kindness now more than ever.  We need your love.  Please, hear us out and don’t give up on us.  We need you.


A Girl in Grief



2 thoughts on “Explaining My Grief: Letter to Those Who Don’t Understand

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  1. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I ‘get’ what you wrote on so many levels. I think, particularly as a young person, losing a parent is beyond difficult (even harder when you lose both, as in your situation.) I was 20 when my father died, and one of the hardest parts was the fact that none of my peers understood. Yes, they were there for the funeral and checked in for a couple weeks after, but then they were ready to go back to normal. And my life had been uprooted. It also sucks that society expects us to pick up and move on. But we don’t go back to normal. We move on to a new normal eventually. Eight months isn’t a long time. You’re going through your first holiday season with all of this, so it’s understandable that you’re hurting. Thinking of you and sending love.

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