I don’t know why I do it. I feel like a stalker. Someone who never knew you. Someone that was never your friend. A stranger. I creep and I read as stealthily as I can so I don’t get caught. My therapist has told me not to do exactly what I went and did. I don’t know why I do it.
I look at your blog and your Facebook profile (even though I’ve unfriended you in both places because I was told this would “help my anger go away”). I have to see if you are still alive and happier without me. I don’t know why I do it because it just drags me down. The memories and the abandonment come right back to me. After I do it, I know I shouldn’t have. I guess it is a force of habit. Or a sense of wondering. Or maybe……somewhere deep down I am thinking it could still all work out and we could be friends. Maybe, I am hoping that out of some miracle you would contact me and tell me that you are sorry. Or maybe, I miss what we used to have, while I know we can maybe never have that again.
So instead, I go through your social media even though I am told not to…..I don’t know why I do it.
I quickly log out of your page as I wonder…..do you do the same to me? Somewhat hoping that maybe, just maybe, you do.