I thought about calling in sick today, but that would have been a lie. I am not sick. You see, I am perfectly healthy and capable of working. I just didn’t want to get out of bed and instead wanted to lay there staring at the ceiling in my depressive state.
I woke up with what a frequent drinker would say was a “hang over.” But, I had not even had a drink of alcohol. Instead, I woke up with what I call a “grief hang over.” It was not my first and will not be my last. My head was pounding and I felt the strong urge to vomit. My eyes were beyond dry and itchy. My body was sore and hurt as I dragged myself out of bed. I couldn’t face looking at myself in the mirror, so I didn’t.
What brought this on was my hours of sobbing last night over missing both of my parents and wishing I could talk to them. I cried myself to sleep. You see, I didn’t drink any water last night. And, I didn’t eat. I just crawled right into bed when I got home, opened up my laptop and poured out my feelings on my blog, and then cried myself to sleep as my sleeping pill did its wonderful magic and sedated me.
I have had to use eye drop galore today and talking to people as I normally would just isn’t happening. I want to avoid people and students. I want to be alone. I should have stayed home.