Grief Hang Over


hungover-art

I thought about calling in sick today, but that would have been a lie.  I am not sick.  You see, I am perfectly healthy and capable of working.  I just didn’t want to get out of bed and instead wanted to lay there staring at the ceiling in my depressive state.

I woke up with what a frequent drinker would say was a “hang over.”  But, I had not even had a drink of alcohol.  Instead, I woke up with what I call a “grief hang over.”  It was not my first and will not be my last.  My head was pounding and I felt the strong urge to vomit.  My eyes were beyond dry and itchy.  My body was sore and hurt as I dragged myself out of bed.  I couldn’t face looking at myself in the mirror, so I didn’t.

What brought this on was my hours of sobbing last night over missing both of my parents and wishing I could talk to them.  I cried myself to sleep.  You see, I didn’t drink any water last night.  And, I didn’t eat.  I just crawled right into bed when I got home, opened up my laptop and poured out my feelings on my blog, and then cried myself to sleep as my sleeping pill did its wonderful magic and sedated me.

I have had to use eye drop galore today and talking to people as I normally would just isn’t happening. I want to avoid people and students.  I want to be alone.  I should have stayed home.

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2 thoughts on “Grief Hang Over

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  1. One question comes to mind after reading this. Why can’t you talk to them? My grandma died in 2011 but I still talk to her sometimes. If you feel weird talking out loud, then think of what you want to say in your head. Or write them a letter. I know they can’t answer and that’s frustrating and heartbreaking, but I strongly believe that they are watching over you.
    I don’t think there would be anything wrong with calling in sick. Have some empathy and compassion for yourself. First and foremost, show yourself compassion by taking care of your physical needs. Then allow yourself to cry, scream, throw things, stomp your feet; whatever it takes to get those emotions out. There is nothing wrong with grieving and being sad, especially this time of the year. Give yourself a break! Would you force your best friend to go to work after such a horrible night? Wouldn’t you insist that she eat and drink something before going to bed? I hate to say it, but healing doesn’t happen with time, it happens with work. The feelings don’t just disappear, they have to come to the surface and be dealt with. And you have to take care of yourself most importantly if you want to heal and be able to move forward. You will always miss your parents, and be sad when something comes up that reminds you that they are gone. But it’s important to heal now, so this doesn’t rule your life. Be kind to yourself, and take care of yourself.

    1. Thank you for this! I have been writing my mom and dad some letters to help with the pain. My therapist has told me to do this and it has worked some. You are right. I do need to give myself a break and not expect that I will “Get over this.” Because in reality, I never will. I have to give myself time to grieve. There are things that will make me sad because my parents aren’t there..for example, my wedding. Like you said, I need to have compassion for myself and not be afraid to feel this pain.

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