It is most certainly time for me to write in my Loving Myself and Others Journal. So, here we go. This entry will mainly be about loving others.
The concept of forgiveness has been on my mind a lot lately. I think about Jesus every day and have been going through the motions as I exist in my fog. Well, yesterday at church I snapped out of it. I sort of went into my own thinking during the service. I was thinking about forgiveness.
So many things have happened to me since my father passed away this spring. I lost friendships. I got hurt emotionally by family. I gained weight. I got severely depressed. The list goes on and on. There is so much bitterness and anger in me when I think about certain friends that left me, or how much I have changed in a negative way. I feel that this negativity is so easy for me to dwell on. It is time for me to release these shackles of bitterness. To stop dwelling on the fact that I do not have parents or friends. To move on.
I woke up from this bitterness yesterday as the Lord spoke to my heart. It hit me (yet again) that I am a sinner. Yes, I sin. I sin every day. I am by no means any where close to a saint and have every right to hell as the next person out there. But, Jesus saved me. I spit words of anger out at Him for taking my parents away from me. Each of these words of anger and hate are what helped drive those nails through His hands and feet. My sins did this to Him and you know what? He FORGIVES ME. He forgives me for being angry with Him at times and slandering Him. He forgives me for being the reason He had to die on the cross.
I don’t feel worthy of this forgiveness. But, I am because He loves me that much. When I enter into heaven and meet Jesus face to face, I want to hug Him, fall down on my knees and worship Him, then ask why He did it. Why He died for a sinner like me who was not worthy of His sacrifice and forgiveness.
Then I thought, If Jesus can forgive me for this, I can surely forgive those who hurt me. I need to forgive in order to move on and remove this bitterness from my life.
So, I forgive all those friends who have hurt me. I understand they did not know how to reach out to me during my times of despair and grief. I understand there were underlying reasons as to why they were not there for me. I forgive them for not being there for me. I pray God helps them feel my forgiveness so that they can also move on with the hurt I may have caused in their life. I pray God restores their hurt and allows them to forget this pain I caused them as they move on. I pray God protects them and allows them to find peace.
If any of you people this effects is out there reading this right now, I forgive you. Please, move on with your life and forget about the pain I may have caused you. Know that you are forgiven, not only by me, but by someone greater as well, the Lord. He loves you and so shall I continue to do as well.