Hurt


As we all know, yesterday was Christmas.  I spent the whole day hanging out with my sister and her dog.  We watched reruns of The Nanny.  I ended the day by reading 200+ pages in a book while taking a nice long and hot bath.

I got the “mandatory” texts from my siblings wishing me a Merry Christmas.  I replied back to each of them.  My oldest sister asked me if  I was alone.  When I replied with, “no” she replied with, “good.  I was hoping you wouldn’t be.”  Excuse me??!?!?!?  But, if you really, really, really cared if I was alone on Christmas, you would have gotten a hold of me before the day.

My phone died early last night and I haven’t charged it.  I am saying that I am “unplugging,” but really, I am protecting myself from more hurt over my abandonment.  I’ve been trying to avoid social media as well.  But, this morning, I went on Facebook.  I saw a post my brother put on his wall.  He went to my other brother’s girlfriend’s family’s house.  If that makes any sense.  You see this girlfriend was taken in as more family during my father’s funeral than I was.  She was hugged and brought into the sibling grieving, while I was cast out and kneeling by my father’s casket sobbing and praying to God by myself.

Well, this girlfriend replied to this post and said that this brother will always be family to them.  I am just EXTREMELY hurt.  I am trying not cry about this because I shouldn’t.  But, no one has taken me in as family since my father passed away.  I am just left alone.  Like no one but my sister and her brother see me as valuable and loveable.  I am sorry, but I just feel really alone and hurt right now.  I will try not to let this bother me and try not to cry.

Thank you all for your support and for reading this rant.  I just need to get it out of my head and don’t have therapy for another two weeks because I get my wisdom teeth out next week.

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5 thoughts on “Hurt

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  1. This is such a tough time of the year to be feeling lonely… A psychologist friend told me that the first year is tougher until you build new memories and routines. Lean on your online community here to get you through the tough times (I certainly have in the last few days) and hopefully we will all slowly find our way. Sending love your way… xxoo

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