Well, let me tell you what, it’s been quite a day. Last night, I jogged 3 miles and I woke up rested and ready to tackle the day with my amazing sore muscles. Then, I got to school and it all when to hell (mind my language).
Here is the story: My aunt used to work at the school I work at. Her husband was the principal here. Her son saw a teacher here and told her mom (my mom’s sister). Who then called this teacher and told her EVERYTHING she found out by calling my sister on Thursday. So….my cover is blown…my worst fear has been found out. Teachers here now know that I have depression and continue to go to therapy. That I am still grieving and in a dark place. I am SO upset about this. My aide told me, “I didn’t know you were still going to therapy. You hide it well.” Gah, I need to get out of here. I am so upset with my aunt. I almost want to call her and tell her to mind her own business. That if she was really worried about me, she would call me and talk to me personally…not a co-worker of mine.
You see, ever since my mother passed away 10 years ago (her sister), I have always felt that this aunt couldn’t look at me, or even speak to me without getting sad and thinking about how I am an orphan that “needs to be taken care of.” Or seeing my mother in me and getting sad that she has passed on. I have learned to live my life, and managed to live my life for 10 years without help from her. Why would I need help from her now?
I just can’t deal with this anymore. I want to run away and never come back. Oh gah…..Lord, please let me get into a Ph.D program and allow me to move away from all of this in May.