Fear


fear_quote_3

My latest post had to do with what makes me happy.  Yes, that is a list of things that make me truly happy.  Now, I believe that to conquer my anxiety and depression, I need to know my fears.  Acknowledging that I have these fears may be one step of healing I need to take.

Someone told me recently to “not be afraid of my pain.  To feel the pain and not let it know that I am afraid of it.  And that while I am feeling the pain to analyze it.  Analyze what caused the pain and what I can do as an antidote to it.”

I did try this once.  But, it ended up with me going into a deep depression hole that I couldn’t climb out of for a long time.  So, if this is for you great!  But, please approach the theory with caution.  With that being said, I have been thinking about the fears I have.  I don’t want to let them run my life, so I want to acknowledge them and show them that I am not afraid of them.  The best way for me to do this is to write it.  So here, for you viewing and my therapy, are my deepest fears:

  1. Losing everyone I love (whether through death or them leaving me).
  2. Rejection.
  3. Not being good enough and being stuck right where I am…….forever.
  4. Never finding true love.
  5. Never having the chance to have my own children and raise a family of my own.
  6. Never making and holding a true friendship.
  7. Failing my students.
  8. Never being able to overcome depression.
  9. Never being “happy” again.
  10. Having to depend on depression and sleeping medication for the rest of my life.
  11. Eventually giving into my dark depressive demon thoughts and doing something that hurts me……..permanently.
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