My latest post had to do with what makes me happy. Yes, that is a list of things that make me truly happy. Now, I believe that to conquer my anxiety and depression, I need to know my fears. Acknowledging that I have these fears may be one step of healing I need to take.
Someone told me recently to “not be afraid of my pain. To feel the pain and not let it know that I am afraid of it. And that while I am feeling the pain to analyze it. Analyze what caused the pain and what I can do as an antidote to it.”
I did try this once. But, it ended up with me going into a deep depression hole that I couldn’t climb out of for a long time. So, if this is for you great! But, please approach the theory with caution. With that being said, I have been thinking about the fears I have. I don’t want to let them run my life, so I want to acknowledge them and show them that I am not afraid of them. The best way for me to do this is to write it. So here, for you viewing and my therapy, are my deepest fears:
- Losing everyone I love (whether through death or them leaving me).
- Not being good enough and being stuck right where I am…….forever.
- Never finding true love.
- Never having the chance to have my own children and raise a family of my own.
- Never making and holding a true friendship.
- Failing my students.
- Never being able to overcome depression.
- Never being “happy” again.
- Having to depend on depression and sleeping medication for the rest of my life.
- Eventually giving into my dark depressive demon thoughts and doing something that hurts me……..permanently.