I really, really, really didn’t want to write about this nightmare here, but I usually do because writing them gets them off my chest. And this also allows me to refer to it when I talk to my therapist about it. As I see him on Friday, I need to write it. So here goes….
A few days ago, I had a dream that my father was dying again. I was there WATCHING HIM DIE (Talk about a NIGHTMARE!). He was taking his last breathes. As this was happening, he looked over at me and whispered, “Come hug me.” I nodded and did as told. After a long hug, I whispered in his ear, “It’s okay dad. Go be with mom. I’m strong. I’ll be okay here.” I pulled away and dad’s eyes met mine. The look told me that he knew I would be okay, but that he was worried about me. I sat back down and he took his last breath and died.
So ya….WORST ONE I HAVE EVER HAD!!!!!!!!!! I don’t know if the concussion triggered it or what, but I haven’t had a “death of a parent” nightmare since mid-January. I had a good track record going. Maybe, it was because I didn’t see my therapist last week…I don’t know….Gah…I am going to the psych on Friday for a medication evaluation because I have been having a lot of meltdowns lately over my family and friend situations. And choosing to just sleep all the time instead of deal with my thoughts. Some days, I would be okay with sleeping all day.