Ok..you all know that I have had family issues since both my parents have passed away. Well, something happened today that is majorly triggering my depression. I just don’t know what to do. I want to scream, cry, hit someone, swear at people, run away and never be found, cut….I want to cut so bad. Needless to say, I am triggered. I yelled at my sister for triggering me and all she did was cry and apologize as she said she had no one else to talk to about it.
Here is what happened:
One aunt on my mom’s side (the same that told the teachers here that I am in therapy) has been calling me. I know better, so I didn’t answer. Well, she showed up at my sister’s today (by calling HER HUSBAND and finding out where they live). Turns out, my oldest sister has been calling them and crying about how we can’t be a family (let’s all remember that they had family Christmas without inviting my sister and I). She was there to get all the gossip and apparently, after 11 years without our mother, they all believe “it is time to help my family.” Sooooo…
She tells my sister that they are all mad we didn’t have an autopsy done on our mom. Sure, she was 58 when she died. BUT WE WERE ALL YOUNG!!!!! The oldest was 25 and our dad was shocked and grieving! We just wanted to bury her and move on with our lives!!!!!!!!!!!
Long story short, this aunt got all the gossip and is going to go meet up with another aunt for supper to fill her in. I am so sick of this people. I just really don’t want to be here anymore. Why can’t they just let me live my life? It hurts more now that they want to fix this when I have grown up without them in my life. When I have grieved the loss of my mother and father without them. WHEN I GREW UP WITH NO MOTHER AND A GRIEVING FATHER. When I have fought depression without them. WHERE THE HELL HAVE THEY BEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY CAN LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!