Due to triggers from family (and dealing with the lawyer for my father’s will/estate), I have fallen into the depression hole again. I feel as if certain people are holding a gun to me and have pulled the trigger. That they stand there holding the smoking gun as I suffer and writhe in the depression they put me into. As if this was all for fun and games. As if my suffering is nothing to them.
It got so bad yesterday that I broke out in my anxiety rash. Yes, I had red rashes that spread from my neck, face, and arms. This only happens when I have a lot going on and can’t handle it. I have only had it happen once before. On top of this, I got into “that state.” Many of you may know what “that state” is. It is where you are talking to someone trying to defuse you, and only start saying the one word responses of “ya” and “ok.” Usually, when I pull this stuff, I am so far gone in my depression there is no digging me out for days. I went home and ate a whole box of Girl Scout cookies….then laid on my couch staring at the ceiling, dreaming of getting out of here/my current life, and texting a few fellow bloggers for help and advice.
I am so lucky to have met bloggers through this site. They managed to pull me out. To make me see the light. Even though I was giving the one word answers, they didn’t give up. They pulled me through. I thought that was pretty amazing and I cannot be more thankful! ❤
Currently, I am looking for any way out of here. I need to start over in a new place FAR away from here. So, NO PLACE in the Dakotas. I need out of here.