Convinced the World is Waiting For Me to Break


Hello emotional eating….Tonight, I ate a whole roll of Thin Mints AND almost a whole box of peanut butter patties.  Gah, I wish I wasn’t this way.  I’m ashamed.  Very ashamed.  This makes me just get worse.  There was reason for this binge eating.  I got some more lightning fast curve balls thrown at me tonight.

First, my sister, who has been sick for the entire year, has been notified that she will not be paid from her job anymore.  Basically, she is nicely being fired…..for being chronically sick…We talked for a long time tonight and I can tell that she is back in a bad depression.  I am very worried about her.  So, I will be taking a trip home this weekend to take care of her and make sure she is okay.

Second, the aunt that stirred things up from the last post messaged me on Facebook.  Apparently, she sent me a letter and it came back to her because she had the wrong address.  So, she wanted my address.  I almost ignored it as this message kind of took me down a few more notches.  Like what do you want to say to me in a letter after I lost both my parents and you have stayed out of my life for 26 years?  I don’t even know you!  After some counseling from my brother-in-law, I finally responded by saying, “If this letter is concerning family issues, I will not be discussing it as this is my personal business.  Thank you for your concern.”  I guess we will see how she responds.

Come on world!  Isn’t it enough that I lost both my parents by the time I was 25, all of my best friends, and my family?  What else are you going to throw at me?!?!?!!?! Isn’t it time something GOOD happens?

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12 thoughts on “Convinced the World is Waiting For Me to Break

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  1. 😦 What a week! I’m no stranger to emotional eating… Don’t beat yourself up about it. When things get bad, we need to first survive the crisis. Then we’ll see how we can better “survive” the next one. Sounds like your brother-in-law is a perfect security guard for the situation, he can run interference for you when it comes to this family issue. HUGS! xoxoxo

  2. I’m sorry things are so hard. As for the emotional eating…it happens. No use wasting energy on berating yourself. Sending happy, peaceful, thoughts your way, friend.

  3. Hello my fellow binge eater! I say that with a little giggle but also with a little sadness, as I know the inner turmoil in causes. I have been on about a 3-week binge, trying to figure out how to stop. I say, instead of waiting for the world to break you, throw it back at it and say Bring It On, I can take it! You have to be ready to do that though and the journey there is different for each of us. It took me forever to get there, but now I am proud that I won’t let it break me anymore. You are doing so much just by sharing your story here – you are inspiring to me! Honestly, you remind me a little of me at your age. Please believe me when I tell you – there is more to life, there is more to YOU! You just have to find it, and often that comes from within yourself. I believe in you sweetness!

  4. I know it’s easy to concentrate only on the bad things that are happening, however I feel like I must point out that good things are happening too.

    You are sharing your thoughts and feelings with the world, and everyone that reads this knows they are not alone in their struggles. You are fighting, and surviving, and that is HUGE! You’re not giving up, you’re not admitting defeat and lying down to die. You are fighting back against the unfortunate things that have happened to you. You are taking a stand and saying, “I’m tired of being unhappy and depressed and I’m going to do something about it!”

    Don’t beat yourself up! It’s vital to turn that negative inner voice’s volume down and beat it back into the hole it came from. You’ve been abused by others, and you are continuing that behavior by abusing yourself. Why keep doing that? Life is hard enough.

    Be kind to yourself as you are kind to others. You have a big heart, and it’s time to show yourself some love too. Take care friend.

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