Hi. I hope all is well in heaven. Say hello to mom for me. Give her one of those giant teddy bear hugs for me!
Today, it has been exactly a year since you have left this earth. Actually, it is close to the time I got the phone call at work saying you had died. My therapist told me not to think of today as a “dooms day.” He worked with me for an hour and a half yesterday to remember the good things about you. Not how you died. He tried to tell me that it is time to let you and mom “go.” That scared me beyond belief. It is something he wants me to work towards before I leave for a new step in my life/career.
I know you are in a far better place dad. But, I miss you. I miss all the love you shared and your kind and generous heart. I miss how you randomly checked in on me and worried about me. I miss your phone calls asking how things were going and if the car was still working okay. I miss your goofy voicemails.
I have been having some difficulties living my life lately. Actually, to be honest dad, I have wanted to end it so badly. The pain my brothers and sisters, and other relatives, are causing me is just too much to bare. But, I keep fighting. Fighting for hope. Fighting to continue living because you would want me to. Because I know that my fight might just inspire someone else who has a similar story to keep living their life.
I know you would be extremely proud of the step I am about to take in my life. It is a huge step. I am finally telling people at work that I will not be here next year and am moving down to Tennessee. I know your love will follow me there. Your love is always there in my heart with me. I must try to always remember that, even on the bad days. I pray that I always do good to continue sharing with the world the kind and generous heart that you and mom have created in me. I pray that your love may live on in the world through me, and hopefully some day my children (your grandchildren).
I love you so much dad. On this day that you left this earth, I will remember the good things about you. For your sake, I will try not to let this date and the stuff with your will get me down. You would not want that to happen. You would want me to keep breathing and being happy. To keep helping people. I will strive to do just that.
I will always love you dad. You are ALWAYS in my heart.
Love always and forevermore,
Your Baby Girl