Last night was perhaps another night of hell. I was held in therapy for an additional half hour. He has been doing this to me lately because I have been in “crisis.” All you mental health people know what that means. He shared with me a huge bombshell last night. This bombshell was that I have been getting emotionally abused by my two brothers since my mother died when I was 15. This is the reason why my head tells me that everything is MY fault. Why I place all blame on me for everything. Why I believe I am no good for anyone. Why I am constantly telling myself that I am worthless and unworthy of love. Why I believe my life is not worth living.
After he told me this news, I covered up my face so that he wouldn’t see my emotions. He asked me what I was feeling because I looked distressed. I said rather loudly, “I’m angry.” Then he proceeded to work on those feelings. On top of this, my sister had to go to the ER. She was so weak that my brother-in-law and I had to carry her to a wheelchair. She was there until 2:00 AM. I left earlier to get some sleep and work on processing this emotional abuse information and the fact of what would happen if I ever lost my sister.
I chatted with some bloggers friends about all of this. They have been extremely supportive and are helping me work on this emotional abuse thing. I am so thankful they were there via text last night. I probably couldn’t have made it through it without them. So thank you to you wonderful people. You know who you are. You are truly amazing! ❤