Last night, a heart wrenching melt down happened. I sobbed off all my makeup and thought of cutting my thigh. I didn’t. I made it to my bed and covered up. Stayed there for a few hours and continued to cry as the spiral of thoughts continued. I keep my sleeping pills on my night stand and thought about taking a handful of them so that I would never wake up again. I missed my parents so much. I felt that horrible pain in my heart that I haven’t felt since a few months after my dad died. I felt stabbed in my heart and held my aching heart as I cried. I wanted to go be with my parents.
I really, really wanted someone personally there last night to hold me and help pull me out. There is nothing worse than being alone when this is happening. I wanted the physical presence of someone. Needless to say, I don’t have that option. I reached out to the friends I have made through this site via text. That helped. They helped me manage to pull myself out of bed and go get some food. I can’t thank them enough for helping me pull myself out of that depression hole. I am truly thankful for them.