A Handful of Pills or a Razor?

Last night, a heart wrenching melt down happened.  I sobbed off all my makeup and thought of cutting my thigh.  I didn’t.  I made it to my bed and covered up.  Stayed there for a few hours and continued to cry as the spiral of thoughts continued.  I keep my sleeping pills on my night stand and thought about taking a handful of them so that I would never wake up again.  I missed my parents so much. I felt that horrible pain in my heart that I haven’t felt since a few months after my dad died.  I felt stabbed in my heart and held my aching heart as I cried.  I wanted to go be with my parents.

I really, really wanted someone personally there last night to hold me and help pull me out.  There is nothing worse than being alone when this is happening.  I wanted the physical presence of someone.  Needless to say, I don’t have that option.  I reached out to the friends I have made through this site via text.  That helped.  They helped me manage to pull myself out of bed and go get some food.  I can’t thank them enough for helping me pull myself out of that depression hole.  I am truly thankful for them.




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